One of the requirements of becoming a pastor in my denomination is completing a unit of CPE (or Clinical Pastoral Education), which is a fancy way of saying "pay to be a volunteer chaplain and have everything you do be picked apart." I did my CPE at Cooper Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, a level one trauma center in one of the poorest cities in America and had a supervisor who didn't cut his students any slack, Rev. Cholke.
It was stressful, it was exciting, and it was one of the best learning experiences of my life.
One day, I was sharing a written report about one of my visits with a patient where I had danced around his concerns about losing his legs. Rev. Cholke was having none of it. He interrupted me, pointed a finger in my face and said, "You're afraid of conflict. You avoid the tough questions and you can't really help people if you do that."
In that moment I was embarrassed, and ashamed, and angry. And I felt those things because he was right. I kind of knew that about myself, but he had stripped my personality naked and put it on display in front of the group. I hated that moment.
It was one of the best things someone has ever done for me.
Because of that moment, I started paying attention to my motivations. I learned to recognize when I was avoiding conflict out of fear. When I did that, I could push my fear back or lean into the stress to build up resilience. Over time, I became a better leader and a better pastor because Rev. Cholke named a problem that I needed to work on.
Friday, February 28, 2020
Tuesday, February 25, 2020
What to Do When We Don’t Know What to Do
(Note: This was first written for my church's newsletter in March 2020.)
In January, I started participating in a program supported by our local synod called the Adaptive Leadership Academy. The goal of the academy over the coming year is to develop leadership skills for situations where there isn’t an easy solution--or perhaps there isn’t a solution at all.
I’m still early in the program and haven’t finished all of my homework for the first month, but the class has got me thinking about the leadership lessons I’ve learned from experience, wiser people, and a whole lot of trial and error. They have proven useful not just for leadership, but for life and faith growth as well. I share them here hoping they can be useful for someone else as they have for me.
Be Kind -- Give the benefit of the doubt. You catch more flies with honey. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. However you name it, I’ve learned that treating people with kindness and dignity is the best way to move things forward.
See Every Person As Someone Jesus Loves -- I’ve mentioned this in at least one sermon, but a woman in Bible study once told me she tries to look at every person in her day and say, “This is someone Jesus loves.” I try to do this and it always makes a difference. Looking at people through the eyes of Jesus helps me to have more patience and grace and see possible actions I wouldn’t otherwise.
Participation Is More Important Than Perfection -- I can get stuck sometimes not doing something because I don’t have the perfect answer or don’t think I can do the work as well as others. I’ve learned it is usually better to just do my best with a few mistakes than to do nothing at all. People are often forgiving and are more likely to remember the effort than the mistakes.
When in Doubt, Ask -- I can have a bad habit of not asking questions because I’m afraid of looking like I don’t know. Or I can assume I know what someone wants or needs when I don’t. I’m slowly learning to ask questions when I don’t understand so I can do what is needed and do it right the first time.
Don't Get Defensive; Get Curious -- When there is disagreement, our natural tendency is to get defensive and prove our point, but responding with curiosity can build trust and solutions faster. I try saying, "I'm having a hard time understanding your perspective. Can you help me understand?" or "This seems really important to you. Why is that?" As a friend and colleague once said, "We need to think of curiosity as a spiritual discipline." (She's one of those wiser-than-me people.)
What Does Love Look Like in This Situation? -- Sometimes it’s being active and sometimes it’s just being quiet and listening. Asking this question when I’m not sure what to do helps me put God’s priorities in the picture and focus my options.
There are many times in life where we may not know what to do or have a perfect answer. Those moments can be scary, but I’ve found that if I work through those moments with practices like these, the destination is better than when I don’t.
Move forward. God is with you.
From the Gray,
Pastor Ari
Thursday, February 20, 2020
5 Old Testament Stories Every Christian Should Know
I recently ended a sermon series at my church that I called, "5 Old Testament Stories Every Christian Should Know." (You can listen to some of them here until March.) It was an idea that grew out of a lot of Bible studies, pastoral conversations, and personal study from the past few years. I found that I was making more connections to the Old Testament, but many people didn't have a good understanding of the stories or assumed they were unimportant because they weren't in the New Testament.
(To be clear, I don't fault anyone for not knowing the Old Testament well. Many Christians, and especially ELCA Lutherans, have either deemphasized it or just focused on the violent portions.)
The five stories that I find myself using the most when I preach or teach are Creation, Abraham and Sarah, the Exodus, King David, and the Exile. Having completed the preaching series, I thought I should summarize it here for those who couldn't attend all or any of it and to have brief summary for future reference. As I mentioned in my sermons, I could not to full justice to these stories in a 15-minute sermon, so my focus was on three questions: What happened? How does it relate to Jesus and the New Testament? and Why does it matter to us today?
I was also challenged by a member of my congregation to sum up every sermon in one word to make it easy to remember. Having hopefully met his challenge, I will use those here as well.
Creation
Word: Good
When the story of creation gets discussed, it often centers around the creation-evolution debate. I think that's a red herring. The more important part of the story is that God calls this world "good," or "tōv" in Hebrew. This world is meant as a blessing for us and for all life in it. It isn't inherently evil or corrupted (which goes against some Christian denominations). To the degree it is corrupted, it's because of us. Humans reject God's good order and plan and instead shape the world in our image. Out of alignment with God, things often go badly. But as we see in this story, God creates order out of chaos. Jesus puts us back in alignment with God and orders our chaos (or sin) to become a blessing again. And it is good.
Abraham and Sarah
Word: Promise
Abraham and Sarah are given an unbelievable promise from God: follow me and I will give you a great family and bless all people through you. They do follow God, but they don't always do it well. In fact, they make some big mistakes along the way. However, God never breaks the promise. Even when the following generations also prove to be deeply and tragically human, God remains faithful and continues to renew the promise. Abraham becomes the spiritual ancestor of three world religions --Judaism, Christianity, and Islam-- and in Jesus, God fulfills the promise to bless all people, offering life to everyone, not just Abraham's blood relatives. When God makes a promise, God keeps a promise.
The Exodus
Word: Liberation
When God calls Moses to become a liberator, God says, "I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them" (Exodus 4:7-8). That God sides with the Israelites, who are not powerful or important, but are oppressed and enslaved, gives us an important insight into God's character. God is keeping the promise to Abraham, but also creating a precedent of caring for the weak and freeing those who are oppressed. This God of compassion repeats this pattern throughout the Bible, especially in the person of Jesus, who saves us from the oppression of sin, drowns our spiritual enemies in baptism, and brings us into a new life where we can be God's people again. Whenever we're trapped, God works to free us.
King David
Word: Messiah
The Sunday I was scheduled to preach on David, I had to stay home sick. (Boo.) Pastor Vivian Thomas-Breitfeld did a great job filling in and naming how we are called to be tabernacles to carry God into the world like the tent of God in David's age. She also lifted up how David was a flawed king and person, but repented and was loved by God. My intent for the sermon was to name David's flaws as a king, but also how his example creates a flawed idea for those in Jesus' day and our own. One of the titles David is given is "messiah," which is not a unique title to Jesus. It literally means "anointed" and referred to someone chosen by God to defeat the enemies of God's people, build a holy kingdom, and rule with justice. David does this and becomes the example people expect from a messiah, but Jesus does it in a very different way. People expected the Messiah to defeat Rome, restore Jerusalem, and rule as king of Judea, and when Jesus refuses, he angers and confuses many. But Jesus does defeat the true enemies of God's people (sin and death), he builds a holy kingdom (a new reality built on resurrection and mercy for all people), and rules with justice as the true leader of this world. His time as messiah wasn't limited but is for all people in all time.
The Exile
Word: Homecoming
The Exile is a sad and complicated story, but it has its roots in the creation story: when humans reject God's good order, there are consequences. This time the consequence of ignoring injustice and putting their trust in wealth and military might means being crushed by Babylon and dragged off into mass imprisonment for 70 years. But God tells them before and during that time, "I will not forget you or abandon you." And after it is over, God brings them home where they belong. This mirrors the ministry of Jesus, who says we are exiled by our sin and separated from God as a consequence, but God will not forget or abandon us. Jesus comes to find us in exile and bring us home. There is no place we can go, physically or spiritually, that God will not come looking for us.
I love these stories because they aren't old stories, they are about a God who is still caring for people. They are our stories. And they are still being told.
From the Gray,
Pastor Ari
(To be clear, I don't fault anyone for not knowing the Old Testament well. Many Christians, and especially ELCA Lutherans, have either deemphasized it or just focused on the violent portions.)
The five stories that I find myself using the most when I preach or teach are Creation, Abraham and Sarah, the Exodus, King David, and the Exile. Having completed the preaching series, I thought I should summarize it here for those who couldn't attend all or any of it and to have brief summary for future reference. As I mentioned in my sermons, I could not to full justice to these stories in a 15-minute sermon, so my focus was on three questions: What happened? How does it relate to Jesus and the New Testament? and Why does it matter to us today?
I was also challenged by a member of my congregation to sum up every sermon in one word to make it easy to remember. Having hopefully met his challenge, I will use those here as well.
Creation
Word: Good
When the story of creation gets discussed, it often centers around the creation-evolution debate. I think that's a red herring. The more important part of the story is that God calls this world "good," or "tōv" in Hebrew. This world is meant as a blessing for us and for all life in it. It isn't inherently evil or corrupted (which goes against some Christian denominations). To the degree it is corrupted, it's because of us. Humans reject God's good order and plan and instead shape the world in our image. Out of alignment with God, things often go badly. But as we see in this story, God creates order out of chaos. Jesus puts us back in alignment with God and orders our chaos (or sin) to become a blessing again. And it is good.
Abraham and Sarah
Word: Promise
Abraham and Sarah are given an unbelievable promise from God: follow me and I will give you a great family and bless all people through you. They do follow God, but they don't always do it well. In fact, they make some big mistakes along the way. However, God never breaks the promise. Even when the following generations also prove to be deeply and tragically human, God remains faithful and continues to renew the promise. Abraham becomes the spiritual ancestor of three world religions --Judaism, Christianity, and Islam-- and in Jesus, God fulfills the promise to bless all people, offering life to everyone, not just Abraham's blood relatives. When God makes a promise, God keeps a promise.
The Exodus
Word: Liberation
When God calls Moses to become a liberator, God says, "I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them" (Exodus 4:7-8). That God sides with the Israelites, who are not powerful or important, but are oppressed and enslaved, gives us an important insight into God's character. God is keeping the promise to Abraham, but also creating a precedent of caring for the weak and freeing those who are oppressed. This God of compassion repeats this pattern throughout the Bible, especially in the person of Jesus, who saves us from the oppression of sin, drowns our spiritual enemies in baptism, and brings us into a new life where we can be God's people again. Whenever we're trapped, God works to free us.
King David
Word: Messiah
The Sunday I was scheduled to preach on David, I had to stay home sick. (Boo.) Pastor Vivian Thomas-Breitfeld did a great job filling in and naming how we are called to be tabernacles to carry God into the world like the tent of God in David's age. She also lifted up how David was a flawed king and person, but repented and was loved by God. My intent for the sermon was to name David's flaws as a king, but also how his example creates a flawed idea for those in Jesus' day and our own. One of the titles David is given is "messiah," which is not a unique title to Jesus. It literally means "anointed" and referred to someone chosen by God to defeat the enemies of God's people, build a holy kingdom, and rule with justice. David does this and becomes the example people expect from a messiah, but Jesus does it in a very different way. People expected the Messiah to defeat Rome, restore Jerusalem, and rule as king of Judea, and when Jesus refuses, he angers and confuses many. But Jesus does defeat the true enemies of God's people (sin and death), he builds a holy kingdom (a new reality built on resurrection and mercy for all people), and rules with justice as the true leader of this world. His time as messiah wasn't limited but is for all people in all time.
The Exile
Word: Homecoming
The Exile is a sad and complicated story, but it has its roots in the creation story: when humans reject God's good order, there are consequences. This time the consequence of ignoring injustice and putting their trust in wealth and military might means being crushed by Babylon and dragged off into mass imprisonment for 70 years. But God tells them before and during that time, "I will not forget you or abandon you." And after it is over, God brings them home where they belong. This mirrors the ministry of Jesus, who says we are exiled by our sin and separated from God as a consequence, but God will not forget or abandon us. Jesus comes to find us in exile and bring us home. There is no place we can go, physically or spiritually, that God will not come looking for us.
I love these stories because they aren't old stories, they are about a God who is still caring for people. They are our stories. And they are still being told.
From the Gray,
Pastor Ari
“Remember how it felt before. We still have a lot to live for.” -The Rescues, “We Are Not Alone”
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