What About the Other Common Factor in Shootings: Men?

Photo by Abbat on Unsplash

I've been in shock and anger this week following the news of yet another school shooting, this time in Uvalde, Texas. The second deadliest school shooting in our history (something is wrong when we have enough school shootings to rank them) is sadly just one of several mass shootings in recent weeks, including a grocery store in Buffalo, New York, and a church in Laguna Woods, California. And those are just a few examples in a year where we are averaging more than one mass shooting per day in America. (Lord, have mercy.)

Well-worn paths of arguments about gun rights and restrictions are in the news again. Though I have my thoughts on guns, I find myself thinking more about a different question this week: What's wrong with men in our country?

It's an obvious detail that rarely gets discussed following a mass shooting, but the perpetrator is almost always a man. (Various sources I found put the figure at 94-98% of mass shooters.) And the shooter is  frequently a younger man. (The Buffalo and Uvalde killers were both 18.) 

Why? What are we doing that makes so many men think they should get a gun and start shooting at people when they are upset? As a man and a church leader, this question haunts me because I feel a responsibility to correct whatever is causing the problem.

This is a question that needs in depth research for a real answer, but let me offer a suggestion: the way masculinity is portrayed and taught in our culture is horrible. And it is literally killing us. 

We are all aware of the traditional tropes of masculinity. Real men are like John Wayne or Don Draper. They are strong and can fight when necessary. They are always in control of themselves and their surroundings. They rarely show any emotion except for (righteous) anger. They never ask for directions (or help), won't admit when they are wrong, and never back down from a perceived threat. 

If that's the normal or ideal image of a man, I can speak from experience that it creates problems very quickly in the real world. Here are just a few:

• If I don't know an answer or am wrong about something, I'm not a real man. 
• If I struggle in a job, I'm not just failing in a job, I'm failing as a man because I'm not in control. 
• If I try to seek help with the problem, I'm even less of a man, so I never risk the honesty that is needed for deep, loving relationships that can help me feel secure. 
• If I feel shame or sadness about my struggles, I'm not a real man. I can't explore or address my emotions because I'm not supposed to have them in the first place. 
• So hurt often turns to anger at the person or situation that is causing my hurt because they are making me feel less manly. 
• And then if they are a threat, I have to fight them with all I can, which often creates new problems that I'm failing at and the cycle continues. 

This isn't just unhealthy masculinity, it's an unhealthy humanity. Without a way to break this cycle, the likelihood of violence and anger only increases because they are the only acceptable ways to be "manly" with big emotions.

As a pastor, what I find even more troubling is the way this model is frequently layered into Christian teaching as not just normal, but godly. Sometimes it's even called "Biblical manhood." So if I'm not being a "real man," I'm not just betraying myself, I'm betraying God. 

But that's not what I see in scripture. 

• When Moses acts with anger and strikes a rock instead of speaking to it, God rebukes him. (Numbers 20:2-13)
• David is remembered favorably for admitting his fault and humbling himself before God when he has committed adultery and murder (2 Samuel 12). God calls him a "man after my own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14). 
• The early apostles in Acts never fight back when opposed, even when they are violently attacked (e.g. Acts 16:19-34). 

And more importantly, it's not the way Jesus lives as a man: 

• When Peter draws a sword to defend Jesus at his arrest, Jesus rebukes him, heals the man injured, and says, "all who take the sword will perish by the sword" (Matthew 26:51-54).
• Jesus allows himself to be humiliated by spending time with prostitutes, tax collectors, sinners, and other social outcasts. 
• Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek..., the merciful..., the peacemakers" (Matthew 5:1-11)
• He commands people to "turn the other cheek," "love your enemies," and teaches passive resistance (Matthew 5:38-47).
• Jesus wept (John 11:35) and confessed his fear (Matthew 26:38-39). 

Philippians specifically notes that Jesus did not exploit his power, "but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave ...[and] humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death -- even death on a cross" (2:7-8). In other words, Jesus wasn't a muscular warrior man, but was human in a way that both demonstrated the love and justice of God and was vulnerable and humble in order to elevate others. If Jesus was fully God and fully human, then his example is what all men (and women) should be emulating. Jesus is what Biblical humanness looks like. 

Throughout history, the message and example of Jesus has challenged cultural assumptions about what it means to be men, women, leaders, citizens, patriots, and just humans. The way we've idealized a certain type of masculinity needs to be challenged and changed because it is costing lives. As we look for solutions to gun safety and mental health, I will also be looking solutions that create a healthier, more Jesus-like idea of masculinity. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“Like men need long life to know that they ain’t right.” -NEEDTOBREATHE, “Survival”