Let's Stop Fighting About Turkey Sandwiches

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One of my first jobs was working at a coffee and sandwich shop. Every day, I'd take orders and make sandwiches with a variety of vegetables, condiments, cheeses, and even grill them if asked. There were thousands of possibilities for customizing a sandwich, but all of them included two pieces of bread and some meat. 

And no one ever got into an argument over what someone else ordered on their sandwich.

"Why would anyone get into an argument about what someone else likes on their sandwich," you ask? We shouldn't, but it occurred to me recently that many of the debates and arguments that we get into in churches are like fighting over sandwiches. 

Churches have many ways of doing things. In worship alone, congregations need to decide on:

• Do we have music? What style? What instruments will lead it?
• Is there preaching? Who can preach? How long should it be? 
• Do we read scripture based on themes? Reading a section in order? Following a lectionary (i.e. a predetermined schedule of readings shared by many churches)?
• Is worship loud and energetic? Quiet and reflective? In the morning? Evening? How long?
• And more recently for many churches: will people worship in person, online, or both?

We have many denominations and congregations in the United States that have started over questions like these and most people choose a church to attend based on their preferences to questions like these. But they are preferences. They are not requirements or orders from God. 

In the sandwich metaphor, we might say they are like the toppings on a sandwich. Some people like their sandwich to have lots of onions and spicy mustard with two kinds of cheese; others prefer just turkey, mayo, and a slice of cheddar. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with having different preferences.

Martin Luther and his fellow reformers had a word they used to describe these preferences: "adiaphora." It's a Latin word that basically means, "things that don't really matter" and for their purposes, meant "things that don't impact our salvation." In other words, whether or not you like a certain hymn or piece of architecture doesn't change that your faith in God's grace grants you new life. 

But many congregations have debates that sound like: "The way I make my turkey sandwich is the only way to do it and everyone has to agree with me or they aren't welcome." For example: 

• "Someone keeps wanting to put whole wheat bread in the sandwich line. No one likes that stuff."
• "I tried a grilled sandwich once and it was terrible. I hope we never serve that here."
• "I don't like Swiss cheese. Maybe we should stop offering it so that people learn to stop eating it."

These sound ridiculous, but if we swap out the options with words like "classic hymns," "upbeat music," or "worshipping online," they probably sound like things many churchgoers have heard or said. So, are we fighting over sandwich toppings? 

Again, there's nothing wrong with having different opinions about sandwich toppings, but they are adiaphora. They aren't necessary to have a turkey sandwich. You just need to make sure you have turkey and bread. So what is the turkey and bread?

Luther and the reformers had an answer for that, too. In Article VII of the Augsburg Confession they wrote: "The Church is the congregation of saints, in which the Gospel is rightly taught and the Sacraments are rightly administered." So, church is where people of God hear the Gospel and receive the sacraments. In preaching on Luke 13:10-17 recently, I paraphrased it by saying, "Church is where Jesus shows up and healing happens, physically, spiritually, or otherwise." That's the turkey and bread: Jesus shows up; healing happens.

There are hundreds of ways to make that happen. Most churches come up with one recipe and stick to it. My church tries to swap in different options from time to time because we know we have a variety of preferences in our congregation. Last year, we made the decision to have at least one hybrid service per week for people to attend in person and online together. We're learning to make everyone who attends feel included and welcome. I know there are many things we try or do regularly that not everyone loves, but I always try to have a space where something for your sandwich is awesome, even if you don't like everything on the table. Like a buffet, if you don't like something, just skip it and let someone else eat it up. 

But always -- ALWAYS -- let's make sure we have meat and bread. Welcome to church. Let's eat.

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want than to take what you give that I need.” -Rich Mullins, “Hold Me, Jesus”

Faith in Media: When the Pop Star Interviewed the Late Show Host

Image Found at TowardInsight.com

When I first heard about this interview clip between Stephen Colbert and Dua Lipa, I was confused. I was told that Dua Lipa, the pop star, was interviewing Stephen Colbert of The Late Show on his show? And Lipa, known for sexy dancehall hits, was asking him sincere questions about his faith as a Christian? And Colbert had a profound and personal answer? 

That combination of factors didn't really compute in my brain, and so I forgot about it at the time. Then about five months later, someone told me, "No seriously, you need to watch it."

I've now watched it multiple times because I think it really is that good. And the novelty isn't even the best part. (The first few minutes sets up the conversation, but the relevant Q&A begins at 2:43 in the clip.) There are at least three things that I find particularly worthy of reflection. 

First is simply the authentic humanity of the conversation. While they are joking around, Lipa's question is honest (she is really curious to learn what he has to say) and dignifying (she recognizes something that is important to Colbert that she may not share or understand) and Colbert's response is respectful (he answers honestly without scoffing at the question or trying to convince her of anything). In an age where we so often see differences of opinion as a threat or lack the curiosity to want to understand another point of view, it's refreshing to see a conversation that isn't a debate. I wish more conversations around the dinner table or water cooler went like this.

Second, I think it's amazing how well Colbert is able to use his faith to interpret a movie and a quote with theological lenses. And he doesn't use clichés to do it. I know I struggle to do that at times with a master's degree in religion, but he is at ease with the ideas and language of his faith. It's clear that he has thought about how his faith, his comedy, and current events intersect in strong ways. If I could teach that skill effectively, I would probably put myself out of a job. 

Finally, I love how Colbert identifies fear as the opposite of faith. Fear leads us to excuse evil, he says, and the solution isn't to ignore death or evil, but to disarm them with laughter. I think we're often more likely to ignore uncomfortable feelings like sadness or pain, but Colbert suggests we need to confront them or else they become too powerful. Finding ways to laugh about death to care for one another has echoes of "take up your cross and follow me." If you want to find God, don't run from hurt, but tend to it until something new grows out of it. (Luther called this his "Theology of the Cross.")

I hope you can find something as useful in this interview. If you have your own perspectives and know how to reach me, please engage with me by email or on Facebook. I'm happy to continue the conversation started by a pop star and a late night host. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“I’m a walking, talking question mark, but what is the question again?” -Jamie Lidell, “What’s the Use”

Politics and the Pulpit

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It has long been said that one should never discuss religion or politics in polite company. Whether that was ever universally true, we now live in an era in this country where political affiliation has become a litmus test for whether I should be polite in someone's company at all. And religious affiliation and language has become tied up in political discourse in very unhealthy ways that undermine faith and distort the Christian message. 

Given that landscape, it's important for churches and pastors (like me) to spend more time talking about politics, not less. 

To begin with, we need to redefine what we mean when we say "politics." Most people use the word "political" to mean "partisan." Politics is really just the process by which a group of people decide how to live together. Who has power within the group? What guidelines will be used to make decisions? What will be acceptable behavior? 

From that perspective, Christianity makes many political assertions. The Bible says an awful lot about loving the neighbor, honoring the humanity and dignity of every person (e.g. "the least of these" in Matt. 25:31-46), taking special care of the marginalized people in society (e.g. foreigners, orphans, and widows in Deut. 14:28-29), and acceptable behavior (don't kill, steal, or lie; be generous and compassionate). Jesus was executed, in part, by political leaders because he was challenging their power structure. Churches are, in a way, political organizations that are seeking to live as a community guided by the teachings of Jesus as their core. 

When it comes to secular politics, those same principles should guide Christians in how they live with their non-Christian neighbors and, in democracies like ours, how they make decisions when they vote. Of course, there is a lot of complexity and nuance in how we follow the teachings of Jesus in a church and the complexity is magnified when we seek to follow them in a diverse, secular society. 

One problem is that secular political parties are not guided by the same principles; they are founded on  ideas like individual and property rights, national defense, and social responsibility. The policies and priorities of parties can often overlap with scripture and teachings of Jesus, but no political party has ever fully embodied the Christian message. 

In addition, people of deep and sincere faith can disagree on what the best policies are to reflect our faith. The social statements that have been written and approved by my church body, the ELCA, are great examples of this. 

Especially in a country like ours with only two competitive parties, all this means that Christians have to make compromises in voting because we have to vote for a platform or candidate in total. My faith may lead me to agree with one candidate on policies A, D, and E, and the other on policies B and C, but neither on policy F. Which principles do I prioritize to make a decision? 

This is where it's important for a church or a pastor to speak on politics, not to elevate one party over another, but to help Christians understand what Jesus says about how we are to live together and to reflect on how they may align with current issues. (For instance: What does mercy and redemption look like in a prison system? If Jesus repeatedly warns about excessive wealth, how should we shape our fiscal policy?)

We confuse "political" and "partisan" because they often mean the same thing in practice in the US; to take a political stand is to fully adopt one partisan package over another. What really troubles me is that more and more often, it seems as though people are adopting a party platform and fitting their faith to match their partisan politics. Many then use their faith as a justification for policies that have little to do with Christian teaching and/or defend their politics with the same existential ferocity usually practiced by religious fanatics. (I have seen some Christian politicos dismiss Jesus' "love your enemies" command if the enemy is their political opponent because "they" are "evil.")

I believe a lot of this problem is caused because we have not talked about politics in church, have not encouraged people to think theologically about their politics and how they vote. If we have, we have simplified it to one party is always good and one is always evil, instead of acknowledging that no political party or leader can really be that pure. 

It's also important for us to talk about faith and politics more because it gives us a better sense of perspective. Politics is important because it has real impacts on the lives of people here and now, but the church has thrived and outlived many, many governments, movements, philosophies, and leaders. I am often passionate about who I vote for because I hope they will better reflect the values of my faith, but I always remind myself that they are not a replacement for God and my allegiance is finally not to a party, a president, or even a country, but to Jesus. The kingdom of Jesus will always outlive our imperfect attempts to recreate it in our politics. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“Oh, time will tell eventually, oh, I am not your enemy.” -The Rescues, “Get Back”

What About the Other Common Factor in Shootings: Men?

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I've been in shock and anger this week following the news of yet another school shooting, this time in Uvalde, Texas. The second deadliest school shooting in our history (something is wrong when we have enough school shootings to rank them) is sadly just one of several mass shootings in recent weeks, including a grocery store in Buffalo, New York, and a church in Laguna Woods, California. And those are just a few examples in a year where we are averaging more than one mass shooting per day in America. (Lord, have mercy.)

Well-worn paths of arguments about gun rights and restrictions are in the news again. Though I have my thoughts on guns, I find myself thinking more about a different question this week: What's wrong with men in our country?

It's an obvious detail that rarely gets discussed following a mass shooting, but the perpetrator is almost always a man. (Various sources I found put the figure at 94-98% of mass shooters.) And the shooter is  frequently a younger man. (The Buffalo and Uvalde killers were both 18.) 

Why? What are we doing that makes so many men think they should get a gun and start shooting at people when they are upset? As a man and a church leader, this question haunts me because I feel a responsibility to correct whatever is causing the problem.

This is a question that needs in depth research for a real answer, but let me offer a suggestion: the way masculinity is portrayed and taught in our culture is horrible. And it is literally killing us. 

We are all aware of the traditional tropes of masculinity. Real men are like John Wayne or Don Draper. They are strong and can fight when necessary. They are always in control of themselves and their surroundings. They rarely show any emotion except for (righteous) anger. They never ask for directions (or help), won't admit when they are wrong, and never back down from a perceived threat. 

If that's the normal or ideal image of a man, I can speak from experience that it creates problems very quickly in the real world. Here are just a few:

• If I don't know an answer or am wrong about something, I'm not a real man. 
• If I struggle in a job, I'm not just failing in a job, I'm failing as a man because I'm not in control. 
• If I try to seek help with the problem, I'm even less of a man, so I never risk the honesty that is needed for deep, loving relationships that can help me feel secure. 
• If I feel shame or sadness about my struggles, I'm not a real man. I can't explore or address my emotions because I'm not supposed to have them in the first place. 
• So hurt often turns to anger at the person or situation that is causing my hurt because they are making me feel less manly. 
• And then if they are a threat, I have to fight them with all I can, which often creates new problems that I'm failing at and the cycle continues. 

This isn't just unhealthy masculinity, it's an unhealthy humanity. Without a way to break this cycle, the likelihood of violence and anger only increases because they are the only acceptable ways to be "manly" with big emotions.

As a pastor, what I find even more troubling is the way this model is frequently layered into Christian teaching as not just normal, but godly. Sometimes it's even called "Biblical manhood." So if I'm not being a "real man," I'm not just betraying myself, I'm betraying God. 

But that's not what I see in scripture. 

• When Moses acts with anger and strikes a rock instead of speaking to it, God rebukes him. (Numbers 20:2-13)
• David is remembered favorably for admitting his fault and humbling himself before God when he has committed adultery and murder (2 Samuel 12). God calls him a "man after my own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14). 
• The early apostles in Acts never fight back when opposed, even when they are violently attacked (e.g. Acts 16:19-34). 

And more importantly, it's not the way Jesus lives as a man: 

• When Peter draws a sword to defend Jesus at his arrest, Jesus rebukes him, heals the man injured, and says, "all who take the sword will perish by the sword" (Matthew 26:51-54).
• Jesus allows himself to be humiliated by spending time with prostitutes, tax collectors, sinners, and other social outcasts. 
• Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek..., the merciful..., the peacemakers" (Matthew 5:1-11)
• He commands people to "turn the other cheek," "love your enemies," and teaches passive resistance (Matthew 5:38-47).
• Jesus wept (John 11:35) and confessed his fear (Matthew 26:38-39). 

Philippians specifically notes that Jesus did not exploit his power, "but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave ...[and] humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death -- even death on a cross" (2:7-8). In other words, Jesus wasn't a muscular warrior man, but was human in a way that both demonstrated the love and justice of God and was vulnerable and humble in order to elevate others. If Jesus was fully God and fully human, then his example is what all men (and women) should be emulating. Jesus is what Biblical humanness looks like. 

Throughout history, the message and example of Jesus has challenged cultural assumptions about what it means to be men, women, leaders, citizens, patriots, and just humans. The way we've idealized a certain type of masculinity needs to be challenged and changed because it is costing lives. As we look for solutions to gun safety and mental health, I will also be looking solutions that create a healthier, more Jesus-like idea of masculinity. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“Like men need long life to know that they ain’t right.” -NEEDTOBREATHE, “Survival”

Facebook, Tongues, and the Root of Evil

Facebook has been in the news a lot recently for all the wrong reasons. Even before a whistleblower shared documents with the public that Facebook knew that its apps (including Instagram and WhatsApp?) were causing eating disorders and mental illness, it was general knowledge that Facebook has become a place for practicing conspiracy theories, anger, and name-calling. At its worst, social media can function like a self-feeding outrage machine that leads to arguments between loved ones and "unfriending" family members. 

The nastiness has led many people to quit Facebook (or Twitter, etc.), while lawmakers and other leaders debate creating laws to manage algorithms, control online speech, or otherwise "fix" social media so they "do no evil" (as Google's slogan once said). If these apps are evil, people are asking, how do we get rid of them or control them better?

At the same time, Facebook has been an amazing gift for my church. When Covid hit, I jumped on our church's Facebook group and started asking a question of the day on weekdays. I thought it would give us something to reflect on for the 2-3 weeks (insert laugh track here) that we were isolating from each other. After a few weeks, we started posting a weekly "Mental Health Check" image we borrowed from another church that encouraged people to share a colored heart or emoticon to express how they are doing. These prompts started long conversation threads, personal sharing, a lot of "I never knew that about you," and digital prayers and signs of support. I have heard from multiple people that they have learned more about other church members in a few months on Facebook than they did in a decade of talking in person at church. 

Twenty months later, we are still doing daily questions and weekly check-ins, not just because Covid continues to impact our lives, but because they have become a vital part of our community building and loving one another. If Facebook is evil, how can it do such good? I'm disgusted by the news of how social media companies have manipulated their systems to generate clicks and eyeballs while knowing it was actually hurting people, but simply deleting it would also remove me from my church's online group that has been a real source of hope and healing for me. How do we make sense of this?

In the book of James in the Bible, the author takes a large section of the letter to address a related issue -- the tongue -- and their reflection is helpful for us, I think. By "tongue," they are referring to speech and warn that our words can do great good or great harm. They write: "With it [the tongue] we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so" (James 3:9-10). 

Though the author specifically calls the tongue "a restless evil"immediately before this, I think these two verses instead argue that it is a neutral object or a tool and how it is used can be evil or good. God's intent, the author is saying, is for our words to proclaim truth and praise and help for other people. When we use them to tear people down or hurt them, that is an abuse of the tool God has given us. The evil doesn't come from the tongue or words, but in how we use them. In other words, evil comes from within us, not the tongue. 

Sound like anything else in the news? Facebook, Twitter, and "the socials" are not evil or good in and of themselves. The evil or good comes in how we use them (and how their programmers craft them to trigger us). Like many things, they can bring out the best or worst in us, but we have to be aware of what we are doing with them. Do my comments and posts "bless the Lord and Father" or do they "curse those who are made in the likeness of God"? 

We can get too caught up in wondering whether an app -- or book, or show, or whatever -- is good or evil. Instead, James invites us to ask, "How can I use this to praise God and serve others instead of cursing and hurting?" Perhaps we can't use something for good, and then we should get rid of it. 

Until I can't use it for good, I'll be posting grace, hope, and love on Facebook.com/pastor.ari. Hope to see you there. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“So casually cruel in the name of being honest.” -Taylor Swift, “All Too Well”

What Isn't Good in the Creation Story

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One of the most influential scriptures for my understanding of God and faith is the creation stories of Genesis 1 and 2. In these chapters we see a glimpse into God's character and vision for the world (and human lives in particular). God creates order out of chaos. God is creative and imaginative. God is concerned with the relationships between parts of creation. And throughout it all, one word keeps coming up: "good."

(By the way, this post is not about whether or not creation is "true" or happened in seven days. If you're looking for that, I'd recommend reading Bishop Barron's article at Word on Fire. He spells out better than I could how to approach the "problem" of evolution and creation.)

As God is creating, everything is "good." Light and dark are good. Fish are good. The sun is good. Trees are good. And humans are good. 

The Hebrew word for "good" is "tōv/tōvah" and as I understand it, the use of the word in this chapter doesn't reflect a moral status (like "you're a good person"), but means that things are "as they should be." Like if you planned a party and everyone had a good time, the food was fantastic, and everything happened like you wanted it to, you'd say, "this is good." 

Everything in creation is good. Until Genesis 2:18, when God finds something that isn't good. And guess what isn't good. 

Mosquitos? Nope. 

Volcanoes? No. 

Brussel sprouts? No. 

The thing that isn't good? "It is not good that the human should be alone." 

The human, Adam (literally, "dirt creature"), has all of creation to himself, but it isn't enough. Because one of the most important things we need isn't something we can eat or build or hold in our hands. We need community and companionship. 

(Quick side note: The word used to describe the woman, Eve, is helper ("ézer" in Hebrew). Contrary to many interpretations, "ézer" does not mean "servant" or imply the person holds less status. The most common "helper/ézer" named in the Hebrew Scriptures is God. God does not hold less status than Adam; neither does Eve.)

When I first noticed this detail, it struck me as deeply profound and key to unlocking the larger messages of the Bible. I think this verse demonstrates for us that when we are alone, when we have broken relationships with God and each other, or when we aren't "helping" one another, then things are not "as they should be." 

God intends for us to be in loving and helping relationships with one another as God is with us, but the rest of the Bible is about how humans break those relationships with God and other humans, how we forget the importance of community and connection, how that leads to death and pain and suffering, and how God works to bring us back to this truth: "it is not good for you to be alone."

In a time where the world seems mad to divide into "us and them" and tells us constantly that the only people we need are Me, Myself, and I, we can easily recognize that things are not "tōv," not as they should be. May God draw us back to the truth of Creation again and again: the world is full of good, but it is not good for us to be alone. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“But you can't judge a book, by looking at the cover; You can't love someone, while messing with another; no, You can't win a war, fighting with your brother; You wanna have peace, gotta love one another.” -Black Stone Cherry, “Lonely Train”

WHO Is My Enemy? Or WHAT Is My Enemy?

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On August 22, the assigned New Testament, or "epistle," reading for church was Ephesians 6:10-20. Most Christians would recognize this quickly as the "Armor of God" passage, where Paul tells the church to prepare for spiritual battle by putting on the Breastplate of Righteousness, Sandals of Peace, the Sword of God's Word, and so on.

It's something I've seen depicted in many Sunday school coloring pages and described in youth retreat Bible studies. It's pretty cliché to me.

But you know how you can watch your favorite movie a dozen times and then realize you never saw something happen in the background that totally changes the meaning of a scene? This Sunday was one of those times for me when I heard this text read.

In verse 12, Paul tells the church that "our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but ... against the spiritual forces of evil..." 

Now, Paul has been beaten, ridiculed, and imprisoned for what he preaches and he frequently is writing to churches that are facing similar treatment for their faith (including the Galatians). But Paul says, "It's not the person who beat me who is my enemy. The real enemies are spiritual forces of evil." We might hear that phrase and think about demon possessions, but I think it also means the forces of bigotry and selfishness, or the lies people have believed that have warped their hearts and minds, or the pain and hurt they feel and want to take out on others. 

Paul wants the church to battle evil, but don't attack "blood and flesh" because they are human beings made in God's image who God wants to transform. (After all, Paul was one of those twisted, evil-acting people before literally getting knocked on his butt by Jesus.)

This really hit me square in the face because of how much I've been hearing about "those people." "Those people are being stubborn and selfish." "Those people can't think for themselves." "Those people don't understand the real world." "Those people are ruining our country." "Those people aren't really Christian."

I'm guessing we can all identify some of "those people" in our lives, but the truth is I've heard these statements made by people on both sides of our social divisions about "those" on the other side. We need to learn how to bridge those divides (that's a topic for another time), but Paul's advice may be helpful here: our struggle is not against the flesh and blood of those people, but against the spiritual evil that motivates the worst in them (and me), the forces of sin and death that convince us our only hope is to be afraid and defensive.

Once this occurred to me, I realized something about the "armor" that Paul describes: if we take it literally, it shouldn't lead to violence and hostile conflict. He says to use "righteousness," "truth," "peace," and "faith." The only "weapon" he names is the "sword of the Spirit, that is the word of God" (emphasis mine), which is more like a surgical tool for removing a tumor than a weapon meant to kill. 

Rather than a muscular, militaristic Christianity, Paul is promoting a "warfare" that is its opposite: instead of seeking destruction, act with truth, healing, and peace. Or, he might say, "When things get rough, the plan doesn't change: love God, love neighbor, and be the virtues you want in others."

For as cliché as this passage has been for me, I've never heard it taught as anti-militant imagery or how to not fight evil the way the world does. But it makes sense. After all, if we are soldiers of some kind, then our "general" is Jesus, who didn't say, "Go get 'em" but "Father, forgive them," and who won a victory by submitting to death. 

Who am I battling? What am I battling? How am I battling? Hmm...

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“The dawn to end all nights.” -Broken Bells, “The High Road”

 

How to Change the World? I Don't Know, but I Can Do This...

 

Photo by Karla Hernandez on Unsplash

I don't know about you, but I often get overwhelmed thinking about how to make a difference in the world. The problems all feel so big. 

Hunger. Clean water for the developing world. Malaria, AIDS, and COVID. Natural disasters. Affordable housing. Systemic racism. Gun violence. Environmentalism and climate change.

And that's just a few. How can I volunteer, donate, and raise awareness for all the good causes in the world? Or how do I decide which is the most important?

Like I said, it gets overwhelming. But lately, I've been wondering if I'm asking the wrong questions. Instead of asking how to do everything, or who is most deserving of my care, or whether my small contribution will really make a difference, what if I asked a simpler question: 

Who can I show love to right now?

When I ask this question, it changes my perspective. I'm not as overwhelmed with huge complicated problems I can't fix alone because I'm looking at my immediate surroundings and thinking about what I do have available. It also makes the solutions more concrete and real.

Who can I show love to right now?

I can call or text my friend who's lonely. I can introduce myself to my new neighbor. I can give random compliments. Or maybe I can donate $5 to whatever cause I'm thinking about most. 

I can't do everything or make a huge dent in the world's problems, but I can do something, something that makes a difference, even if it's small. 

Who can you show love to right now?

From the Gray, 

Pastor Ari

“I gotta learn to love right where I’m at.” -NEEDTOBREATHE, “Bottom of a Heartbreak”

I Want to Scream (A Pastoral Response to Kenosha Violence)

I've been struggling to blog and respond to a lot this year, partly because the news keeps coming so quickly. Last week I had stared at a blinking cursor on my computer for way too long, so I recorded myself rambling to my iPhone instead and shared it with my congregation's facebook group. Since it's right in line with my blog's themes, I share it here, too. 

Be safe.

Be kind. 

I love and miss you.

God be with you all. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

The Thing You Don't Know You're Building

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"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:21

“You become like what you worship.” -N.T. Wright, Paul and the Faithfulness of God

"There are two wolves fighting inside all of us. The first one is evil, the second one is good... Which wolf will win? The one you feed." -Unknown (attributed to Native American teaching)

"We are forms of all the things that we love. Do you know what you are?" -Jars of Clay, "Good Monsters"

The Holiest Thing We'll Ever See

The Christian author C.S. Lewis once wrote: “Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.” 

By Blessed Sacrament, Lewis meant the bread and wine of communion, and it's probably not surprising he would consider that the holiest thing we will ever see. What may be surprising is the second part of that statement; that after communion, the holiest thing we'll ever see or touch is another human being.

That's right: sloppy, dirty, imperfect human beings are holy. Your co-worker who can't pick up after herself is holy. That whiny child in the store is holy. The jerk who just cut you off in traffic and almost caused an accident is holy.

Humans are holy because we're created in God's image, because Jesus considered us precious enough to live and die for our benefit, because, like the bread and wine of communion, God's presence can somehow become real in us.

We humans do not always live up to that holiness or show it on the outside. When I say "Jesus loves you" to that jerk in traffic it's usually sarcastic instead of a statement of fact, but I have found that when I can take Lewis's words seriously, it makes a difference in how I treat people. When I think, "God loves this person" I can find a little more patience, a little more understanding, and find myself a little less frustrated or angry.

If we can more frequently find the faith to believe that one of the holiest things we'll ever be close to another human being, perhaps we can see the Holy Spirit breathe a little more peace into this world. And that would be blessed indeed.

Standing in the Gray,
Pastor Ari

“You're everywhere to me; when I catch my breath, it's you I breathe.” -Michelle Branch, "Everywhere"

A Question That Can Help Us Live Together

I was reading a book about communication this spring that included a chapter that encouraged being direct about our desires and needs. (This is not always an easy thing for Midwesterners or Lutherans, since both groups have a tendency to avoid conflict, but that's a topic for another blog post.)

In the midst of proposing being direct, the book raised an inevitable question: How can be we direct and assertive with about being rude or bullying? One of the suggestions that was offered struck me as very simple and profound. Before speaking, ask yourself one question:

Is this vital or preference?

In other words, is this something that is necessary to address because it may cause harm? Or is it something that's really about my personal preference? If it's the second option, it's probably better to let it go or at least start the conversation with "This may not be important, but I'd prefer..."

Is this vital or preference?

As I think about it, there are times I can get upset when the reason is "I don't like this" instead of "this is a problem." But I think it can be easy to confuse the two because so many things in life are tuned to my preferences. When I can program my car to know exactly where to put my seat when I climb in and I can get almost anything I want delivered to my house in 24 hours, it's hard to remember that what I want isn't the most important thing all the time.  But if we all live thinking that way, we're going to create friction...probably a lot.

Is this vital or preference?

In Lutheranism, we have a word for this. Martin Luther referred to things that were preference as "adiaphora." Literally Latin for "undifferentiated things," adiaphora basically means, "things that aren't life or death issues." In church, that God loves us and transformed the world in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is vital; whether we serve donuts or danish during coffee hour is adiaphora. Knowing the difference is important to making decisions and keeping the peace.

It's a small thing, but asking "Is this vital or preference?" could be a tool for smoothing relationships, avoiding unnecessary conflict, and learning how to live together. And making the world healthier, happier, and safer for everyone IS vital.

Standing in the Gray,
Pastor Ari

“Hit the wall, have to crawl; even if we lose it all, we're ok.” -The Rescues, “We’re OK”

Learning to Live Together

Being a part of a community is hard.

It is, right?

Whether that community is our neighbors, co-workers, or the people we live with, getting along can be hard work. We have different opinions, different priorities, different favorites, and so on. Even in church, we don't agree on everything. We may love one another as Christians, but not always like each other as people.

Now, when we get along with the people around us, it's fantastic, but when we don't, it can be everything from stressful to destructive.

I've been thinking and reading and talking a lot recently about how to get along with other people because it seems to be a concern right now. There is a general consensus that we aren't as polite, tolerant, or open-minded as we used to be  need to be as a society.  No one likes the division we're seeing in our world right now, but no one's quite sure how to deal with it.

I don't have perfect answers, but I firmly believe that the God who told us to "love one another," "love your enemies," and forgive "seventy seven times" does not want us to live divided or suspicious. And I believe the Church has a role to play in this, helping to proclaim God's reality in our world.

To that end, I'm planning to write a series of blogs about how to live together (#howtolivetogether), sharing some of the wisdom I've been uncovering and hopefully starting some conversations or habits that move us in a new direction. In the resurrection, Jesus transformed the world and in baptism, we are transformed as well. With the Spirit's help, we can continue the work of transformation.

Standing in the Grey,
Pastor Ari

“It feels like giving in. It feels like starting over. It feels like waking up.” -Jars of Clay, “Two Hands”