Naked Leadership and Coaching for God

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Have you ever had a dream where you show up in school naked or realize you are talking to a crowd wearing no pants? 

Embarrassment dreams like those are exactly how I often felt early in my career as a pastor. Not that I ever forgot to wear clothes to work, but whenever I had someone ask me a difficult question I didn't have an answer for, I felt naked. "Where is God when...?" "Why would God...?" "Why won't God answer my prayer?" 

I wanted to have a simple, logical answer for them. I'd love to have nice proverbs like, "God never gives us more than we can handle," but I've lived enough to know that they aren't always true AND simple phrases like that are rarely what people need to hear when they are asking tough questions. Yet, I'd try to string together something that sounded logical and smart and pray it was helpful somehow. Because I hate not having a answer. I'm an introvert that often thinks through every possible angle to a problem before I speak or act because I want to be prepared for every possibility, every question, every problem. That way, I'm never wrong and never surprised. 

Still, I felt naked, like a fraud. After all, wasn't I the expert? Wasn't it my job to have the answers to everyone's question? What good was my Master's degree if I didn't feel like I'd mastered anything?

In turn, it created a vicious cycle with my depression and anxiety, because it made me certain everyone was disappointed in me and I was worthless, which drove me to build my facade even stronger. 

Eventually, two things happened. First, I got to a point of desperation where I said, "God, I can't do this anymore! I can't solve every problem and I don't know how to be right all the time!" And God's response was, "Now you get it. Would you stop trying to be a savior, get out of the way, and let me do MY job?"

Second was a piece of wisdom I found in a weekly newsletter I received: "Leaders don't need the right answers. They need the right questions." 

I'd been trained to think of pastors as the "experts." Just like going to a doctor who diagnoses the problem and prescribes a remedy, I first saw my job as doling out spiritual prescriptions and wisdom. The problem was that I didn't always know how to treat the problem or it was chronic and needed more than a couple "God-pills."  

Instead, I slowly came to see pastoring as more like a personal trainer or a coach. I didn't need to have the answers, that was God's job. I needed to help people recognize what spiritual health looked like, where to find it, and guide them in ways that enabled them to hear God's answers. I have more experience and a deeper pool of resources, but that's not the same as an answer. 

I've had to be okay with not being the expert in the old sense, but a fellow traveller who knows what questions to ask. Now it feels less like I'm naked and more like I'm honest. God doesn't call us to be perfect, just faithful. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“To wrestle the angel for more than a name” -Switchfoot, “Twenty-four”

 

WHO Is My Enemy? Or WHAT Is My Enemy?

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On August 22, the assigned New Testament, or "epistle," reading for church was Ephesians 6:10-20. Most Christians would recognize this quickly as the "Armor of God" passage, where Paul tells the church to prepare for spiritual battle by putting on the Breastplate of Righteousness, Sandals of Peace, the Sword of God's Word, and so on.

It's something I've seen depicted in many Sunday school coloring pages and described in youth retreat Bible studies. It's pretty cliché to me.

But you know how you can watch your favorite movie a dozen times and then realize you never saw something happen in the background that totally changes the meaning of a scene? This Sunday was one of those times for me when I heard this text read.

In verse 12, Paul tells the church that "our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but ... against the spiritual forces of evil..." 

Now, Paul has been beaten, ridiculed, and imprisoned for what he preaches and he frequently is writing to churches that are facing similar treatment for their faith (including the Galatians). But Paul says, "It's not the person who beat me who is my enemy. The real enemies are spiritual forces of evil." We might hear that phrase and think about demon possessions, but I think it also means the forces of bigotry and selfishness, or the lies people have believed that have warped their hearts and minds, or the pain and hurt they feel and want to take out on others. 

Paul wants the church to battle evil, but don't attack "blood and flesh" because they are human beings made in God's image who God wants to transform. (After all, Paul was one of those twisted, evil-acting people before literally getting knocked on his butt by Jesus.)

This really hit me square in the face because of how much I've been hearing about "those people." "Those people are being stubborn and selfish." "Those people can't think for themselves." "Those people don't understand the real world." "Those people are ruining our country." "Those people aren't really Christian."

I'm guessing we can all identify some of "those people" in our lives, but the truth is I've heard these statements made by people on both sides of our social divisions about "those" on the other side. We need to learn how to bridge those divides (that's a topic for another time), but Paul's advice may be helpful here: our struggle is not against the flesh and blood of those people, but against the spiritual evil that motivates the worst in them (and me), the forces of sin and death that convince us our only hope is to be afraid and defensive.

Once this occurred to me, I realized something about the "armor" that Paul describes: if we take it literally, it shouldn't lead to violence and hostile conflict. He says to use "righteousness," "truth," "peace," and "faith." The only "weapon" he names is the "sword of the Spirit, that is the word of God" (emphasis mine), which is more like a surgical tool for removing a tumor than a weapon meant to kill. 

Rather than a muscular, militaristic Christianity, Paul is promoting a "warfare" that is its opposite: instead of seeking destruction, act with truth, healing, and peace. Or, he might say, "When things get rough, the plan doesn't change: love God, love neighbor, and be the virtues you want in others."

For as cliché as this passage has been for me, I've never heard it taught as anti-militant imagery or how to not fight evil the way the world does. But it makes sense. After all, if we are soldiers of some kind, then our "general" is Jesus, who didn't say, "Go get 'em" but "Father, forgive them," and who won a victory by submitting to death. 

Who am I battling? What am I battling? How am I battling? Hmm...

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“The dawn to end all nights.” -Broken Bells, “The High Road”

 

Cutting Through the Media Noise to Listen for God

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on Unsplash

The world is very loud and angry today. We are bombarded with news about diseases, natural disasters, political arguments, economic roller coasters, and more. It often feels like it's not shared so much as shouted at us by people who can't tell the difference between opinions and facts. And that doesn't get into the messages from advertising, movies, and television programs. 

It's no wonder that I hear from many who just want to tune out or ignore the news or say they don't know what to believe or trust anymore. I feel the same way at times. 

In an interview last year, I heard a recommendation from Kaitlyn Schiess that I have found helpful ever since. She was speaking about her book, "The Liturgy of Politics: Spiritual Formation for the Sake of Our Neighbor," on the Holy Post Podcast and suggested using two simple questions to cut through the noise of news (especially political).

-What is this telling me to value? -What is it telling me to fear? 

I'd suggest the obvious third question is: How do those answers line up with my values? Better yet, How do they line up with Biblical values?

I know we could start a long debate about what "Biblical values" means, but I think we can rely on the plain words of a few classic verses as common ground:

• Paul lists some core values in Galatians that he calls "the fruits of the Spirit": love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 
• Do the shows you watch celebrate and encourage these values?
• Jesus names a list of people who are "blessed" at the start of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:1-12): those who are meek... merciful... pure in heart... peacemakers... those who hunger and thirst for righteousness... 
• Is this the type of person you are inspired to be by the media you consume?
• In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul names love as "the greatest" practice of Christians and shares what love does NOT look like: "love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth." 
• Do the voices you listen to promote love or the opposites that Paul names?

These questions aren't meant to shame you for the media you consume. And they are not to say that any news or program that doesn't fit this model is "evil." These are questions to help us critique what we are hearing and hear it through a Christian lens. 

I'm not expecting any of us to be taught Godly values by watching the news. That's not their job! Their job is to share information and get viewers to watch. The answer is not to never consume news or media, but to consume it wisely. 

As Christians, we are called to reflect the goodness and wisdom of God to the world around us, to be part of the renewal of creation started in Jesus' death and resurrection. We should shape the world more than we're shaped by it. 

What are you learning to value? What are you learning to fear? How close is that to what God values in the world? Hopefully the right questions can lead us towards the answers we need.

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“Let me learn from where I have been; keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn.” -Mumford and Sons, “Below My Feet”

Faith in Media: "Ted Lasso" and Confession

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When I was on vacation this summer, my best friend insisted that we watch "Ted Lasso," the Apple TV comedy that had just been nominated for a boatload of Emmys. I had heard it was good, but hadn't watched it because my family didn't subscribe to Apple TV+. The headlines and word of mouth I'd seen on the show was that it was heartwarming, hilarious, and the perfect escape from pandemic-bad-news overload, but... 

Wow... It was so much more. 

I wasn't expecting it to also be about Christian ideals like community building, confession, and reconciliation.

If you're not familiar with "Ted Lasso," it's a comedy starring Jason Sudeikis as an American football coach who is hired to coach a Premier-level soccer club in England. He is over-the-top positive and spouts more funny metaphors than a caffeinated Southern preacher. (See what I did there?) Meanwhile, everyone around him is unhappy, unfriendly, or hoping for his failure. At it's core, "Ted Lasso" asks, "How do we overcome differences and pain in order to be decent and kind to people?"

(I should note it is rated TV-MA because there is a LOT of swearing and frank conversations about sex. If that's not okay for you, don't watch it.) 

As all the characters travel the path to being better human beings (including Ted), there are misty-eyed moments of joy and head-smacking mistakes. It was the way mistakes are addressed that really blew me away because they are a fantastic model for confession and forgiveness. And not the confession and forgiveness with God that Lutherans do at the beginning of worship, but the kind all Christians are called to practice with each other. Or, if you aren't religious, the kind of reconciliation your therapist would model with you. 

For example (paraphrased as best I remember it):

Roy: "Oi! Don't use me as a pawn in your f------ lover's quarrel!"

Keely: "You're right. That was wrong and I'm sorry."

Roy: "Thank you."

Or (without spoiler details):

A: "I lied to you."

B (sighs): "Well, I forgive you."

A: "What? Why would you do that?"

B: "Someone hurt you, and that makes you do crazy things. I've been there. And me holding it over you won't make anything better."

The show is full of moments like these. Of course, similar moments in real life might not be so quick, but the basics are still pure gold. People are honest about being hurt or doing bad, they own the guilt when they were wrong, they listen to each other, and sometimes they need to revisit the problem later or do something to make it up to someone. (And it never feels forced or sappy like an old sitcom.) 

Now, not everyone becomes best friends and there are characters at the end of the season who are still very flawed, but time and again, the show celebrates healing relationships, caring for the team, and efforts to be better people. When there is so much polarization and division in our country right now, it was refreshing to watch examples of how to fix problems and heal relationships instead of holding grudges and seeking vengeance. 

Some people would probably call it unrealistic for people to act like this regularly, but to me it sounds a lot like: "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." It also sounds a lot better than the alternative we live in now.

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari

“Somehow our hearts are still in it, but all our innocence has left.” -NEEDTOBREATHE, “Seasons”

How to Change the World? I Don't Know, but I Can Do This...

 

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I don't know about you, but I often get overwhelmed thinking about how to make a difference in the world. The problems all feel so big. 

Hunger. Clean water for the developing world. Malaria, AIDS, and COVID. Natural disasters. Affordable housing. Systemic racism. Gun violence. Environmentalism and climate change.

And that's just a few. How can I volunteer, donate, and raise awareness for all the good causes in the world? Or how do I decide which is the most important?

Like I said, it gets overwhelming. But lately, I've been wondering if I'm asking the wrong questions. Instead of asking how to do everything, or who is most deserving of my care, or whether my small contribution will really make a difference, what if I asked a simpler question: 

Who can I show love to right now?

When I ask this question, it changes my perspective. I'm not as overwhelmed with huge complicated problems I can't fix alone because I'm looking at my immediate surroundings and thinking about what I do have available. It also makes the solutions more concrete and real.

Who can I show love to right now?

I can call or text my friend who's lonely. I can introduce myself to my new neighbor. I can give random compliments. Or maybe I can donate $5 to whatever cause I'm thinking about most. 

I can't do everything or make a huge dent in the world's problems, but I can do something, something that makes a difference, even if it's small. 

Who can you show love to right now?

From the Gray, 

Pastor Ari

“I gotta learn to love right where I’m at.” -NEEDTOBREATHE, “Bottom of a Heartbreak”

Advent Reflection: Are You Ready?

Advent is traditionally a season of preparation. As we begin this year's Advent, I can't help but think this year has already been a full one of getting ready. As a country, we prepared for online everything, then reopening, then re-closing...kind of. The spring was full of suggestions for filling your time: online classes, sour dough starters, and more. The summer was filled with protests for racial justice and unfortunate examples of riots and violence, and we were preparing with listening groups, and reading groups. Then the fall became a constant exercise in learning about how to do school online while working at home, or school in person while working from home, or school at grandparents house while parents worked
somewhere, or learning pods, or tutors...and then constantly second guessing your decisions or having others do it for you. 

No wonder we’re exhausted. And now the scripture and tradition tells us to get ready and I think, more? Maybe we need to reframe what Advent and Christmas mean this year. Maybe we need to “be awake” (Mark 13:37) not by rushing around and being busy, but standing still. Let’s slow down and be reminded of what matters this year: Jesus has come, is coming, and will come. He entered a troubled world full of fear and injustice and spoke peace and gave his life. He will come again to fulfill the promises of resurrection and a new creation. And He is coming even now, in water, wine, bread, and acts of love. 

This year, I'm trying to "be ready," not by making myself busier, but by finding time to slow down, be still, and know that Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us. 

From the Gray, 
Pastor Ari

“If you’ve never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame.” -Counting Crows, “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby”

I Want to Scream (A Pastoral Response to Kenosha Violence)

I've been struggling to blog and respond to a lot this year, partly because the news keeps coming so quickly. Last week I had stared at a blinking cursor on my computer for way too long, so I recorded myself rambling to my iPhone instead and shared it with my congregation's facebook group. Since it's right in line with my blog's themes, I share it here, too. 

Be safe.

Be kind. 

I love and miss you.

God be with you all. 

From the Gray,

Pastor Ari